Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Do 5-year-olds like Profanity Laced Stories Featuring Dinosaurs?

Fella: So what have you been doing today?

Me: Writing. I’m stuck at a place in the novel. I’m not sure what to do with the characters…

Fella: They are 90 buzzards, or is it vultures, no it’s buzzards.

Me: What the hell are you talking about?

Fella: There are buzzards flying over the road. I think something died.

Me: You do realize that what you said was totally off topic and I had no clue what you were talking about, right?

Fella: Yeah, I know.

Me: Just alerting you to your ADD

Fella: You’re lucky you didn’t know me when I was a kid. I could never sit still. In fact my uncle commented on how much I’ve changed since I was little.

Me: You still run around like an idiot

Fella: No.

Me: Yes

Fella: No

Me: Yes, you do but its not by choice anymore. Oh thank God you aren’t like that anymore. You would be so annoying to date. I would punch you in the head

Fella: Couldn’t catch me

Me: What? Like hell I couldn’t. I was a hyper kid too I know its hard to imagine that now what with all the loafing.

Fella: You just smoked crack. Wait….did they have crack when you were little?

Me: Jesus Christ how old do you think I am? Hello? 80’s was all about crack. I was alive for the entire decade! When the hell do you think I was born?

Fella: 2008.

Me: Pedophile.

I would like to point out that I was completely pissed that this conversation never came full circle back to me. Though later on Fella did recommend that I “throw some aliens and whatever into the book” and helpfully recommended “people like dinosaurs.” You know who likes dinosaurs? 5 year olds. You know what else? Aliens or dinosaurs NOT going to work in the context of my novel that I have in fact been talking about every day. Seriously, Fella is getting Adderall ASAP. Or I’m getting a shock collar I can’t decide which one would be better. Who am I kidding? The shock collar would be WAY funnier.

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