Friday, July 27, 2012

Petty Party of 1....Petty Party of 1?

Not that long ago I moved back to my hometown. The one thing I was totally dreading was running into people that I used to know and having to go through all that fake bullshit. You know, pretending to automatically give a shit about someone who I haven't spoken to in nearly 15 years. Fortunately, I have had no run ins...until the other night.

I was out at my favorite drinking establishments and was in the restroom. I was washing my hands and glanced over to my left to see "the" girl from high school. I know she does not recognize me because I look completely different. I've gotten ridiculously hot since high school. Like, I'm not even joking and am not remotely making that up. I was an awkward Fatty McFatson in High School and am now Hottie McHotpants.

Anyway, enough of my modesty.

So "the" girl is in the bathroom. She is definitely still pretty and still tiny. Has this girl NOT discovered cheeseburgers over all these years? Such a shame. But I notice that she's kind of looking rough - like she doesn't look like the young 30-something she is instead she looks like a Cougar. She's rocking a long sleeve leopard print top, which is easily from the Cougar shopping headquarters, Cache. She also has skin tight shiny black pants on. Which was confusing because, hi, it's happy hour. Does she wear this to work? And I was at this bar as a total fluke but it looks like she has been working this joint trolling for ass and working her sad ass ex-cheerleader routine.


Who Me?

How dare you.

I, of course, was trying to see where she was going post-bathroom. Because if she was with a dude I was totally going to roll up in that situation and see what damage my flirting could have done.

Now I'm the asshole right?

Come on! What fat girl doesn't want revenge on the girl who was only nice to her because she thought I'd let her cheat off me in French. What girl who got ridiculously hot wouldn't want to shove it down someones throat especially when that girl did all kinds of mean ass stuff back in the day. Yes, yes I know. We were different people then. We were kids, what did we know! Doesn't change the fact that she was mean and I was always nice and she thought she was better than me because she was thin.

Yes, yes I know...Petty Party of 1!