Thursday, August 30, 2012

Shut up, Herbal Essences

Since Herbal Essences re-emerged in the 90's its commercials have gotten more and more asinine.  The first commercials had women basically having orgasms in the shower while shampooing. Because as I think we all know, that happens on a regular basis. I literally cannot remember the last time I shampooed my hair without having a sexual experience. All women do. That's why we take so long in the shower.

Guys. You're welcome.

The newest commercials are equally as dumb. It's as if the Herbal Essences professionals have an advertising meeting and just start screaming "NO! NO! NO! We need this to more ridiculous! I want these ads to be so stupid that women are completely turned off from purchasing our product."

Then the advertising executives kind of shrug and say "well what if made up some stupid fantasy about shampoo?"

"BRILLANT. Let's start shooting tomorrow."

Then the ad executives leave, get wasted and drunkenly hammers together some of the stupidest copy to every exist.

I'm mostly picking on the newest commercial for "Honey I'm Strong" starring Z-list "celebrity" Nicole Sher-whatever, I can't even care to spell it properly, but I'm sure you know who I'm referring to.  The whole concept is so stupid that it has to ride the short bus. Apparently using this shampoo makes warriors stop fighting and start worshipping your hair. Which makes no sense. If it's supposed to be about being strong then why not have using the shampoo help her whoop some ass. Now that commercial I'd be into.

Not once has any woman ever picked up a bottle of shampoo and thought to herself "wow I'm instantly transported to a Moroccan cabana where well muscled men wash my hair with rose petals and coconut milk and then rub in pure jasmine oil while I'm dressed like Princess Jasmine from Aladdin."

And if woman have those thoughts and that's why they purchase Herbal Essences then what little hope I have left in humanity is completely gone.

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