You've Got a Baby! In a Bar!

When did we as a society decide that we absolutely, under no circumstances are allowed to bitch slap bad parents? Because it was a horrible decision. And I, for one, don't feel that I should have to abide by such rules. I wasn't present when they were created. No one consulted me. Had they asked I would have voted for bitch slapping. Slapping wastes of space always gets a big thumbs up from me!

There is this intense stigma that you can't say to a parent "hey this is a 10pm showing of an R rated movie, this is under no circumstances an appropriate place for you to bring a 3 year old."

Why can't you say that?

For instance, if you are at the movies, on a Friday night, at a 10pm showing of an R-rated movie and some dumb mom and dad bring a toddler in to this movie you should be allowed to tell them to leave.

Apparently this is frowned upon as I learned this past Friday night.

The second these genius parents rolled their toddler in I rolled my eyes and let out an audible gasp of shock/disbelief. My sister elbowed me in the ribs and told me to "let it go, not everyone has to be told to suck it."

Quite the contrary.

Many people need to be told to suck it and I'm just the girl to do it.

Of course these maniacs sit right next to us. Because really? Where else would they sit?

As soon as they sit down I felt it swell up in me. I am going to have to say something and its likely to not go over well. Like at all.

I clear my throat "You know this is an R-rated movie right? And that its like 9:50? Do you think these are good choices for a 3 year old?"

My sister sinks into her seat. I don't know why she's embarrassed, she should be used to this shit by now. And seriously? Not the first time something like this has happened.

The woman looks at me like I just sucker punched her and then stabs me with her eyes and says "excuse me?"

Yeah, cause I'm the one whose inappropriate.

I raise my voice "Oh I'm sorry, maybe you couldn't hear me. I was just asking why you thought it was a good call to bring a toddler to a late showing of an R rated movie? Did you learn that in Parenting 101?"

The whole theater goes quiet.

"How dare you question me! I'm a mother I deserve respect."

"Bringing a baby to a 10pm R rated movie does not allow you to have any respect. This is an adult movie, at an adult time for adults. No one wants to listen to your kid flip out."

I hear my sister attempting to stifle laughter next to me.

"Look here cupcake, you have two choices, take the kid out or I'll get management and you'll be removed from the theater."

I then stare her down. She makes a big huff and kicks her husband and they get up and leave. No shit but like 10 people behind us clapped. I stood up and bowed.

It's important to acknowledge my people.

"See that's why I do things like that."

"And what are you going to do when she stabs you in the parking lot?"

"That's why you're here. Someone has to drive me to the emergency room."

This Can't End Well...

So, I've been totally slacking in the posting department and I'm sorry. The truth is that I write plenty to post on her but not everything makes it through my filtering process. Why the hell are you people shocked? I do have a filtering system. In interest of proving that 1) I actually do write more than post and 2) that I have an actual filtration system (like a Brita!) here are two of the least disturbing posts that I chose to NOT post:

"Does anyone else find the new cheetos commercials completely disturbing?

What I basically get from these commercials is that eating copious amounts of cheetos does NOT make you obese, as previously believed. No, no, no. What it does is make you insane. My guess is that something inside of the orange powder conflicts with your neurons, adapters and chemicals in your brain effectively “shorting you out.” The result? You begin to see a tiny, smooth talking Chester Cheetah everywhere you go telling you to do bad things to people.

Granted the overly trendy girl saying “ew” ad nasuem was totally asking for it. But come on, wiping orange cheeto dust all over someone’s white jacket? That’s just uncalled for no matter how annoying they are. That cheeto dust is no joke. That stuff barely comes out of black sweat pants let only anything white. I basically throw a tarp down and eat on that whenever I choose to indulge in cheetos. I think its only smart to be responsible and hey, safety first! Right? If that’s the case maybe a bio hazard suit is more appropriate.

The point?

Those commercials are creepy as hell and seem more like they should be commercials for some sort of anti-psychotic. Because its not normal for a snack food to cause delusions. Isn’t that how that whole “Son of Sam” thing started? I’m not saying Cheetos caused that whole mess but you know, the whole “my dog told me to kill people” think is awfully similar to Chester Cheetah telling those enjoying his snack to do horrible things."

"

Is it just me or do most foreign languages sound like complete gibberish? I’m serious it just sounds like someone just making it up as they are going along. You know who is the biggest offender of this? Asian countries.

And while we are talking about it why do all Asian people smoke? Okay maybe not ALL Asian people but far and wide I always see Asian people smoking. Is it because they are trying to look cool? Because its not working.

Is that racist?

Just asking. "

So my question to you is fewer posts or crap like this?

That's what I thought

It was a different time, a simpler time, a time filled with easy loving hate.

What the hell is up with this?

This video raises several questions:

1)How exactly do you tell time with a clock populated with nothing but swastikas? Does it just mean it's Nazi time, all the time?

2) Was Walt Disney an anti-Semite?

3) Why is their a Mickey Rooney "Breakfast at Tiffany's" era Japanese fella in Nazi regalia?

4) Were talking, pantsless ducks considered part of the Master race?

Discuss.

PS Sorry that I'm not technologically fancy enough to embed a video. We all have our limitations.