When I was in high school I had a best friend, like most girls. She and I were close as sisters. We experience lots together, we laughed, we cried...you get the point. In our early 20's she began dating a truly deplorable human being. He was isolating her and hated me. This is fine with me as I often fantasized about beating him to death with a rolling pin. Fair is fair, right?
This scumbag started beating up on my darling best friend. She eventually garnered enough strength and broke up with him. Shortly after this breakup he called her and said he was pulled over on the side of the highway with a shotgun and he was going to kill himself. I told her he was just emotionally manipulating her and if she was concerned she should call the highway patrol and give them his license plate and tell them that he is threatening to kill himself. That's it. Done. Instead she hopped in her car and sped off to find him.
At this point I decided that maybe this was a little too much. I spoke to her and told her that I could not watch her self-destruct. That this guy was ripping her apart and tearing her down. I could not stand by. It was killing me to watch this beautiful woman being treated this way. I gave her an ultimatum, I told her she could either have our friendship or continue to date this guy. She would have to choose and she could not have both. She ultimately chose him. This absolutely broke my heart. What was more painful was that her mother would call me all the time hysterical over how this guy was treating her daughter. She no longer recognized her daughter and would plead with me to intervene. It hurt me so badly to explain to her mother that her daughter had made her choice.
Over time her mother drifted out of my life but this friend never left my mind. I often wondered what had happened to her and if she had ever found the courage to leave that relationship.
A little over a year ago I received an email from this friend. She told me that she had often thought about me and was looking to restart a friendship. Her life was in a far better place. She was married and had just had a baby. I happily replied and we picked our friendship back up. We met for dinner and caught up on our lives. During our time apart her life had apparently taken a large downward spiral. She eventually left the abusive boyfriend but caught up in several more abusive relationships before she finally started dating a male friend who is now her husband. We talked about the breakup of our friendship. She said that she always felt that I was mad at her and was waiting for me to come back around and forgive her. I told her that I was waiting to her from her that she had let go of this guy and realized the importance of our friendship.
She and I spent more and more time together and I started to realize something about her. She was the same person she was when our friendship had broken up. Here she was married with a child and still thought about trying to run away. She was unsatisfied with her life and wanted to break out. I was shocked at her admission. She chose her life. What ultimately came out was that she “settled” on her husband because she knew he would take her out of situation (living at home under her parents thumb). She got pregnant because she knew it was the only way her parents would let her leave their home. Needless to say I was floored. She admitted that she wasn’t in love with her husband but that her life allowed her to be away from her parents.
Shortly after this confession I decided that maybe she was not a good person to have in my life. Things naturally faded away between the two of us. I thought it was the best. Then today I received another email from her (almost a year after things fell away). Again she wants to retake up the friendship and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if a part of me feels guilty and feels that I owe it to her to start the friendship again. I know that she still is probably not the best person for me to have in my life. Not too long ago I did a serious deep cleaning of my life and removed all of the negative people. I have so many things moving forward in my life (I just started my own business and I’m writing a book) where I know I need to surround myself with as many positive, happy people as possible. I need people who are going to be truly supportive and truly happy for me as I move forward through my successes.I want to ignore this email but it feels wrong to provide no response. I just don’t know how to tell someone that they are wrong for me and wrong for my life. I just don’t know how to say it in a way that’s not mean. I guess the kindest thing I can do here is just to ignore her altogether.