What's Up Bitches!

I rock.

Top. Tier. Literary. Agent.

That's right bitches, I got a partial manuscript request from one of my top tier peeps. This has yet to happen in this tireless pursuit of a book deal. I've gotten requests but its been mostly from my bottom rung people. But this guy? Grade A Filet Mignon.

I'm dancing.

This is so exhilarating. I'm trying desperately to live in the moment and not spiral down into "what if" scenarios. It's imperative for writers to live in each moment fully. So right now I'm glugging down a big, fat glass of "woo-hoo!!!!!"

Why Google May Cause Me to Shoot Myself in the Head

So I was checking out my awesome/disturbing Google analytics (typo....but it stays...HA! anal) page today and apparently a lot of people wonder onto my site because they are searching for one of two things:

1. Bod Man Body Spray

2. Bitter Pudding

What does this say about me as a bloggess? I don't know. But I find it deeply depressing. Because see, I don't know if the people who are searching for bitter pudding are looking for my blog or if there is something awesome out there called bitter pudding and they become totally despondent upon stumbling upon my blog. I also find it pretty hard to believe that someone would have to google my blog name to remember how to get here since it is just bitterpudding. So either my readers are retarded (which I refuse to believe since I know all of you are sexy and have super cool ninja moves) or there is something out there called bitter pudding.

According to Google.....people who search for "bitter pudding" tend to be looking for bitter chocolate pudding.

I'm so screwed.

So to those who land here looking for a bitter chocolate pudding recipe, I'm sorry. I know that me talking about how much people suck and fake hymens may not be exactly what you're looking for but I KNOW I'm funnier than Martha Stewart.

As for the Bod Man people.....I have no words for you. Why the hell are you searching for it? Maybe you should land here and get taken to school a bit. Learn a little bit about douchebags and smelling like the old, desperate guy at the club.

WOO-HOO!

That's right bitches I KILLED NaNoWriMo!!!!

Yes, my novel is a piece of garbage. Yes it is rattled with plot holes and stuff that makes no sense. Yes the story starts one way and violently veers off in another direction. Yes, it is a terrible book that will likely never see the light of the day.

But you know what?

I DID IT!

I did something that tons of people talk about doing. I wrote a novel. I wrote a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. That is unbelievable. I never would have thought that I could write that many words in such a short period of time. But I did it!

This was an amazing experience and was really something to do it and see it through. There were so many times that I wanted to quit or never thought that I would finish. I wanted to walk away so many times but I never did. That is what makes me the most proud. I now feel like I have the perseverance to fight through everything involved in the literary world and make a splash with my first book. I will never give up until my book is on a bookshelf near you.

Now I can get back to having a life and working on my manuscripts that will actually make me money.

Living on the Edge

Non-fiction writers live a dangerous existence. There is a fine line that must be walked.

I am a humorous memoirist. Meaning that I write about all the funny shit that happens in my life. My writing stalls out when I don't have hilarious events occurring fairly regularly.

Right now the funny is nowhere to be found. Granted, I know I allow situations to play out longer than they should. I also tend to stick around when I see something insane going on just to see how it plays out and to see if I can write about it.

Fiction writes gently plot out the actions of their characters. They outline their whole story and get to writing. Doesn't exactly work that way for those of us who live on the edge.

Getting Real, Y'All

So, I’m writing this book all about my crazy ass time at the matchmaking agency. I gave the book to some people whose opinions I trusted and respected. One of my amazing friends suggested that I work on character development. I said okay but, didn’t really understand what she was talking about. Then verses hit me. Sentences came pouring into my mind first thing in the morning. I began to see what she meant. I never got real with myself while writing the book. I was protecting myself. I was afraid to look bad, stupid or foolish but I realized that this experience was all things bad, stupid and foolish. How could I leave that out?

It’s hard to admit when you’ve made mistakes and it’s even harder to do so in print especially, when you plan on having people purchase your book. My amazing friend did point out that people will see me as a character. I guess that’s better. Wish me luck as I dive down into the dregs.